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How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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