We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
