im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?