so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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