I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?