I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"