i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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