actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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