yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
