I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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