I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
