I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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