He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
