sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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