I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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