I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We need to rekindle our bromance
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
