God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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