i barfeds in our rink
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
