hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
