There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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