I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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