If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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