I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
