I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
