Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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