when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
