we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
