He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize