He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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