Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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