so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize