Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
