im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize