new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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