It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
