it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
