dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
