She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
