So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
