Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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