your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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