KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
