so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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