Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
