Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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