i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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