She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He passed out mid-signature
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize