My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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