dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
