sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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