Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
