They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
