Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
