Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
