It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
