i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
