for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
