Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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