Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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