Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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