i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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