I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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