Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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