i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
