Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
