tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
