Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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