He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
