I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
