Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
