All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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