Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
