I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
