aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I party with great urgency now.
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