everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
