do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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