I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
