ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
