if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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