The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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