We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
