I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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