apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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