Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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