Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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