you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
